It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you

oh.my.goodness.
i was surfing around and i got to these pictures of the big 3 along the Las Vegas Strip in Nevada.
Bellagio, Mirage, and Caesars Palace.
if you found them familiar, you probably heard of them through Ocean's Eleven.
yeah, THOSE casinos.
i literally gasped at the Bellagio Fountains, and the freaking artificial Mirage Volcano.
oh.my.god.
no wonder ppl get married there, its like a honeymoon-on-the-go.
i swear its AWESOME. the pics blew me away!
i wanna go there sometime...like...20 yrs from now =(
i think when i went there like about 15 years ago, it was quite a waste, cause I HAD NO CLUE as to where i was and i didn't know that i was actually in a place where i would grow up wanting to go again. tsk. i think we stayed at Caesars, because i VAGUELY recall my tour guide (Ken, see i remember her name!) telling us to stay up at night to catch the artificial volcano eruption next door at the Mirage. and sadly, i didn't give.a.shit then.
LOL. The sex tape that propelled hotel heiress Paris Hilton to notoriety was shot in one of the hotel rooms in Bellagio.
i didnt know THAT.

and oh my goodness i stumbled upon jon jonsson's blog on e net.
he won Manhunt few years back, and he's REALLY HOT.
he is based in Singapore after that. woah. and the way be writes is pretty damn smart too.

i'm becoming quite a fan of musicals..rent.wicked.
kristin chenoweth and idina menzel's voices ARE BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER LA!
and matthew broderick is super damn funny, especially when he was on the Ellen show with the rest of the cast from Producers.

youtube is really king. =)

ppl work in many diff ways..
you never know when ppl would let you down, when karma would turn around and kick u in e ass.
and that maybe i wasnt there enuf for a person, therefore the karma.
and the worst feeling is that whatever you do, it's never enough.
whichever side you're on, you're wrong in the eyes of at least one person..
its sad how we are cynical, and judgemental.


holding on for you, but its a lost cause anyway.

i listened to KT Tunstall on the Ellen show today and i realised she's super talented!
i've always loved a few of her songs, particularly this.
it made me sad bcos of some stuff, which is irrelevant now anyway.


Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like water..

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul with one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water..

And the fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of e world to me..

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come..
To move along.

Can you help me
Can you let me go..
And can you still love me when you can't see me anymore..

And the fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world
You're the other side of the world
You're the other side of the world to me..

i've been rubbing noses with a few rafflesians these days,with no apparent reason too.
bumped into my fren, and saw 3 RI boys (short PANTS) opposite me on the train, fluently conversing in eng about one kid's camera phone. with singlish of course.
tze came to my mind, and i vaguely (actually clearly) remembered the last time i saw him was during the Newsroom event last year, which BTW was underage haven too.
i recall back in sec 3, how we used to meet up in bishan, then take the train down to Buona Vista and then board a shuttle bus to NUH to meet up with my sis for lunch. it was fascinating really when i think back, bcos once, on e shuttle bus ride to NUH, he asked me that if he had XXXX's look would i still like him, and i replied yes.
he was really tall and big, like 1.86m la. and ppl often mistook me for his sister.
and i remembered getting to see a brain scan in NUH bcos the doc was frm RI previously and was in a pretty good mood and welcomed us into the brain scan room.
ohhh, thinkin back, i think he was my sister's Dr McDreamy. HAHA.
brain scan = neurosurgeon = dr mcdreamy!
it was all fun la, taking the bus back to boon lay and even the same feeder service back home.
good memories la actually i dun rmb being sad at all until e end, lol and i rmb his mum called my mum! my gdnessss...quite scary then. it caused quite a huge issue for me at home though.
but in the end, it was very very sudden and abrupt. just left it like thatt. weird huh.
i still have all the log files though, all the interesting stuff which went on within that 8subbers channel. very funny la actually.
a far cry from who i am today.

oohh, but NUH's food was GOOD! and of cors super damn HEALTHY LA.

and i met jessie and shiyun for CHICKEN CHOP IN CORO and then VENEZIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok im a bit tired.but quite high.

I've just caught I Am Sam for the thousandth time yesterday night in the comfort of my small cosy room. I didn't manage to catch it on channel 5 on Sat night, bcos...i was out til pretty late.
no, i'm not jumping on the bandwagon, i've been a Sean Penn fan for a DAMN long time already, ever since catching I Am Sam all the way back in Anderson Sec.

yes, it made me cry every time i watch it. without a doubt, one of my fav shows of all time.
and yes, i favour it over Titanic. haha.

met up with eric and xuan and their fren, matthew, last week for dinner at PS's Manhattan Fishmarket. Really good stuff!
xuan and i shared the flaming platter thing, where they actually used some huge flame to melt the cheese spread atop the prawn. i'm quite scared of fire. lol.
the 2 guys had the same thing too, and eric asked whether they served a platter for 4. LOL.
when xuan told me both of them was gonna be a deadly combination, i was pretty apprehensive.
but it all proved to be good after that cos i laughed til i almost died. such great fun and company!
xuan and i had our usual ice cream after that for dessert. haha. yes we went to visit stephen over at the Hilton Hotel. and we just talked.
we love the night life! more of it soon k? =)

i sent an sms to someone the other day, and it went like this :
"i think no matter how much you liked XXX that time, he could never be YYY.. I think for us to truly truly love someone we have to be with them for some time, and then we'll decide whether it's worthwhile to invest time and energy into it.. But the fact that we always go back to the same person shows that we have not met the one person who will be able to take our breath away.."

"That someone to take our breaths away.... That someone who will be able to give us that lovin feelin, who has the same chemistry, who makes you forget about everything else in the world, whose eyes you see your future in, who makes everything else seem right, who sweeps you off your feet... Its like no matter whoever new you meet, he cant measure up.. Because he'll lack that special something with us, and no matter how much we do like him, it doesn't matter in the end, cos he wont be able to give us the same damn feeling.. Sigh"

"You know, with every little obstacle, we change.. We become more cynical. Wary. We are who we are today because of our past experiences. There's nothing to blame when you live life. But we never know what life brings, whether life would throw in another spanner, or bring out a rainbow, but it's up to us to try to be optimistic about it. Because we always pray for a better day when we can be stronger than before. And we pray for our fairytales.. Because no matter how much sheet we have to live through, we HAVE lived through it, and we can't help but still hold that really tiny tinge of faith within us, although it gets smaller everytime, it's still faith, and that we still have a fairytale to dream of.. No matter what it turns out, the castle might not be a castle. But it helps us live each day with that tiny tiny tiny amount of hope.."

i was in the process of clearing my sent messages when i came across these lengthy smses i sent to the same person. while typing it helped me clear my mind about a lot of things, and i hope it helped her too. in the end, we never do know what the future brings..

its been a very emotional week, because i found out more stuff about what my dad said. and i'm immensely disappointed.. not gonna say anything more about it here, cos i cant phrase it in words.

- the worst thing about being lied to.. is knowing that you're not worth the truth. -

i've been quite a bukit timah lover these days, fri onn shaun and i had dinner at Al-Azar (however you spell it) after his match at safra. sat i watched sam wong play joshua wong, which was super damn exciting, bcos sam, to us, is the stamina king. LOL.
headed to tp's pizza hut after that with the guys and we had a good laugh over dinner. topics ranged from army to squash and then everything under the sun. heh.
the cheesy bites thing tasted quite good, and seriously we were all quite hungry.
headed down to bukit timah after dinner to meet mianli. it has been a long time since i last saw him actually. plain old catching up. and yes the continuous jacks about me being a guy went on the entire day. LOL.
even the waiter in pizza hut was wondering la.

shit. i have a sudden craving for garlic bread.

anyway, i realised that my inbox and sent messages contains too many messages, so i started a deleting spree this morning. but somehow i couldn't bring myself to delete particular messages. although it was just a simple msg, i just couldnt delete it. and most of my inbox was occupied by the same person. HMM.

oh well. its time for safra again tml for jessie's match! =)
shes playing esther mok.HMMMMM.
going down to these kinda events brought back my sec sch memories, when we had the Wilson Opens and Head Opens then. I used to be the one of the officials calling participants regarding their match timings and fixtures. I loved the atmosphere then, and Safra Open made me relive those memories. although it has been a very long time, i will never forget it. never.

In memory of Stephen Robert Irwin (22 February 1962 – 4 September 2006)
Our most beloved crocodile hunter.

I love watching his shows because he was a breath of fresh air among all the Jack Hannas of the world. I'm not saying Jack Hanna's stale, but just..a bit too normal. a tad too....safe.
Jack didn't bring about the same amount of interaction Steve had naturally. Steve was infectious, he was enthusiastic (although those Down Under cringed because he was overly enthusiastic), he was BOLD, he was amazing, and most importantly, he was born a natural at what he loved doing.

He got so much not-deserved flak for some issues, which was clearly unfair for him, because people didn't acknowledge him enough for bringing out more conservationists and for putting in everything he could for Australia's wildlife.
It's really sad how critics can lambast and blame him for his own death.Honestly, he just swam above the stingray, the stingray then felt threatened, and pierced the barb into his chest.
usually stingrays use their barb as a defence mechanism, and deaths rarely occur because they usually pierce the feet. and stingrays are usually docile creatures, but there's still the fact that wild animals are unpredictable. Steve's death is an example of that.
its crazy, how can anyone blame him for his own death?

its really sad to read the reports, tabloids, watch the news going on about it. and that incident happened when he was filming some shallow water shots for a segment in the television program his daughter Bindi (his daughter) was hosting.

the first picture was during Jay Leno's show, when Steve was a guest, and he brought 2 tiger cubs along with him. it was very sweet to see how Jay interacted with the cub.
the cub holding on to his arm while sucking on the bottle, i bet Jay's never had such an experience. Just look at both their expressions, priceless indeed.

the 2nd picture's background was of the shrine people created outside Irwin's Australia Zoo in Beerwah, Queensland. and a lizard just crawled past it.

the last one reflected Steve's life, the way he handled animals was just incredible.
i just love this picture, which actually made me tear when i looked at it. but as he had always said, he was mentally prepared for whatever happens because he knew the risks involved with his job. and Job Stainton,friend and colleague, said he died doing what he loved most.

and when one of his crocs died, he cried and cried in front of the camera, saying he loved her like he loved his wife. it was heartwrenching to watch him in that state.
and most of us thought he was invincible.

Cristina: I'm not involved.
Izzie: What if this was Burke? What if you were me?
Cristina: This is bad. This is bad and serious and against a lot of rules. It's not fun for me.
Izzie: What if you were me?
Cristina: Well, I wouldn't have fallen in love with a patient.
Izzie: You fell in love with an attending.
Cristina: Well, so did Mere, what's the point?
Meredith: The point is, we can't help who we fall in love with.
George: Yeah.
Izzie: Yeah.

yeah, we cant help who we fall in love with. i really..couldnt help it.
and maybe now that i know, it's easier for me to put it all behind me.
you don't have to feel obligated to care anymore.
bcos i knew from that very one night, when you wanted me to be there for you, i was, but when i wanted you to just listen, you couldn't. i knew.
and when you knew i was upset that day, you didn't bother smsing or calling. i guess maybe in ur eyes, i'm really that strong a person to you.


it's time for me to walk away.

why does the one person i care about right now think i'm strong enough to go through this or that? i would actually appreciate a little initiative from you, bcos i remember that one night when i wanted you to be there for me, you couldn't, so i didn't ask anymore.
actions speak louder than words, so if i didn't matter enough for you to send me just one sms asking me whether i was alright, i guess i'm done.
i'm always wrong about people. always damn wrong. when i thought that someone long ago would not lie to me again, i was wrong. when i thought that i could trust someone, i was wrong too. and now, i think i'm wrong about you.

i was actually in the process of doing something for you, and i'm still doing it.
someone pls kill me now.

OH YES JESSIE must THANK YOU for listening. really. thank you.-winks-
...our little secret. ;)